WOW!

Amazing how much my life has changed since I was last on this blog back in May 2007. Only 2 months after my last post my life would take a traumatic turn for the worse. My life would be forever changed. I would be forever changed. Little did I know I would spend the rest of my life dealing with HUGE grief. Grief over losing my beloved teenage son Andrew, my hero, my teacher, my best friend. 

The only reason I am even writing here, is that for some reason when I went to get on my other blog on here, "Mastering Astral Travel in 90 Days," the Opera web browser took me here. So here I am writing a post. Not that anyone reads this anyway but what the hell. If anyone stumbles upon this by accident, I blog now on http://www.healive.org that is where our entire journey with Andrew is. From his leukemia diagnosis, his 4 month treatment, his passing, and our continued journey with him. 

Who knows, maybe I'll keep coming here every now and then to just babble on about something. A place to vent. We'll shall see. Then again I don't remember my login or anything for this, so this could be the last post. Like it matters. IT'S ALL GOOD!

Funny is NOT Funny!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007


Funny is NOT Funny!
Current mood: irritated
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

I can't tell u how I HATE that saying!! I asked a booker one time about booking my act because it is so different & not mainstream on the east coast, and he said "Funny's funny. If you're funny you'll get booked."

What a load of CRAP!! How can anyone say that?? If that were true, then comics wouldn't ever bomb after they've had a proven good set! I'm talking about good comics. I had an A-list comedian friend tell me that one night he'll get a standing O and the next night, same club he'll bomb!! If funny is funny how is that possible??

It's not like comics change their set every night. They do the same set for awhile, ok, some for years, and every one of them have bomb stories with that same set they worked with for awhile.

I know I have a certain genre. Some people it's the college, or redneck, or urban. I'm metaphysical. I absolutely killed one week with a sold out crowd of 60. And died a slow painful death the following week with a crowd of 200. I knew it wasn't my crowd but I was assured they'd be open to it. Ummm hell to the NO! They were not. But the other comics that were good, probably would've died a death with my crowd.

I personally do not care for Dane Cook's act. I like him in interviews but when I saw his act, was not impressed & didn't think he was funny. But 12,000 college age kids did.

So to some it up FUNNY IS NOT FUNNY!! What's funny to some IS NOT funny to others.

I'm done with my rant now. nuff said.

COCKTAILS AT TIFFANY'S

Tuesday, May 08, 2007


COCKTAILS AT TIFFANY'S
Current mood: ecstatic

Ok people, I'm just a blogging fool! *In my best Jim Carey impersonation* Somebody stop me! But I warned ya in my "That's how we roll" post.

Me and my daughter Elatia, & soul sister K-Ann are Hollywood Ho's. We dragged the boys with us. We took the tour of the Kodak Theater. That was incredible. I was imagining what it would feel like to be on that stage. Me and K-Ann imagined ourselves ordering our free drinks at the bar. Sat in the VIP lounge where Johnny Depp (BTW went to middle school w/ Johnny. He was in 6th and I was in 8th. Didn't know him but my client did) & Jack Nicholson sat. It was very surreal. It's how u start the manifesting process, be where u want to be and FEEL it. Our tour guide was a cutie patootie too. BONUS!

While we had our day in Hollywood, it was up to my daughter what we did. It was her day since she had to leave the next day. We could've seen the Craig Ferguson Show but she's already seen a show being taped. We saw Ellen back in Nov. 2003. She wanted to go to Rodeo Dr. (4 any of u rednecks out there..it's pronounced Ro-Day-Oh Dr. NOT!! Ro-dee-oh Dr.) and maybe see some star's homes. At the very least see where David Spade got tazered by his assist. ROFLMAO at that one. Or where George Michael got caught doing his thang w/ his thang.

We instead go to Rodeo Dr. but it's around 5p.m. so not alot of activity. No famous peeps or poparotzy (?) There's a few women with Bentleys, drivers and yes, their freakin poodles in their bag!! PULEEEASE! We walk up a kinda side street where it looks like Europe or to me, more specific, Italy. It's a beautiful cool day as we walk up the street. No, we didn't even try and fake our way into one of the hoidy toidy stores. Not on my $2,700 a yr. salary! (Read previous blog on "how we roll") Obviously I live on the psychic money.

As we walked up the street, I noticed the Jose Eber hair salon. I remember him! He use to do the make over shows on Oprah. Hmmm wonder if he still works in there. We go further up and see a few cafes. We decide it's time for a snack. AND we find out it's happy hour!! Wooo Hooo! Happy Hour on Rodeo Dr. What luck!! We decide to eat at the cafe right outside Tiffany's. Feeling really rich now. So we sit and I order a white chocolate martini and Elatia orders a Sex And The City. With the Happy Hour mine is only $11!! Instead of the normal $16!! And here I complained about paying $8 for my tiramasu martini back home!!

We ordered 4 appetizers that were absolutely dee-lish!! They were really good. As we are enjoying our food we see Jose Eber going for the elevator with a few people. He looks over at me then takes a double look, I'm guessing at my hair! That's the way I saw it anyways and K-Ann concurs!! So my hair caught Jose Eber's eye!! MAN! I'm having a great day!

Our bill? Geez only $100 & sumthin. But we had no regrets! We had cocktails and appetizers on Rodeo Dr. outside Tiffany's on a beautiful, sunny, cool day in Beverly Hills. AND I got noticed by Jose Eber!! Life is good with cocktails at Tiffany's!!

A BIRD, A TRUCK, AND HWY 101

Tuesday May 8, 2007
A BIRD, A TRUCK, AND HWY 101
Category: Life

What do they have in common?? ME!!

This is about our near death experience in Hollywood near hwy 101. And by near death, I mean it's my family's account of the events that occurred. My take is that it was nothng more than a minor traffic altercation. My family are a bunch of drama queens. My dear soul sister K-ann, a fellow Hollywood Ho, dropped us off at the Hollywood sign to pick up our car to finally make our way back to Laguna Beach.

Some how we got lost, it's easy there believe me! It's craziness I tell ya! So as I'm trying to read the sign of the upcoming light, I slow down slightly, not so much, because the car infront of me is not too far ahead of me. So as I am concentrating soooo hard on which way to go, this f&*#@*#n truck lays on his horn and scares the piss outta me and it really pissed me off! So much so I ever so politely show him my birdie..ok, I flipped his ass off as he zooms by!! BUTTTT he then slams on his brakes so much so there's smoke! And he's stopped where I'll be even with him. So I'm guessing he did NOT appreciate my hand gesture. The Light Worker left me and the Joisey gurl took over.

Well, the family panics as the light is now RED!! Jeezus! WTF? I'm not in Sarasota anymore *There's no place like home, heels click click click* Damn it ain't working! It's been awhile since I've live in Ft. Laud. so I have forgotten about road rage, people just fall asleep while driving in Sarasota. Why don't their lights last longer here dammit! I had to think quick. I saw that there was no one coming up beside me that split second and I just immediately turn right hoping there was no on coming traffic. Note to self, keep eyes open next time to find out.

My daughter informs me that normally she would have my back but this time she was gonna run like like a little girl if he pulled a gun. ANNNND the hubby and son would follow, I've seen them run & they too would run like little girls!! *I tickled myself with that one* A bunch of babies I tell ya! I pulled a cool Starsky and Hutch maneuver if you ask me.

I pulled into a side street to get our bearings & figure out how the hell to find that freakin elusive Hwy 101. Thank Goddess K-ann calls to see where we are, knowing we are probably lost, she's psychic too, and she leads us in the right direction. *Phew* Crisis averted. We all made it to Laguna Beach alive and well with no bullet holes. A good day indeed!

THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL CON'T

THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL con't
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Was going to start another blog but knew I better finish this one first. I actually made a list of titles for upcoming blogs, so be forewarned.

Ok, so we're at this amazing 4 star hotel. It felt like coming home because we are use to staying in 4 & 5 star hotels and getting the VIP treatment. It's just been awhile. Following the comedy dream doesn't warrant any of that stuff. You stay in an icky Motel 5 1/2..not even a 6!! You have to find your own paper and pen to write your own "do not disturb" sign. I could go on and on but I did that already in a blog back in July 2006.

On to the cool stuff. So we had our wine and snacks delivered to our adjoining rooms. We had a REAL balcony with a table and 4 chairs that over looked the gorgeous pool. Oh yea! I breathed deeply in the air of a REAL hotel room! Let it seep into my cells! Candy on the pillow. Now that's what I'm talking about!

BUT! Look at the time! I had to get ready for what?? A comedy show! How the hell did I score these accommodations on a comic's salary?? My salary is about $2,700 a year!! And that's on a good year! That's right! Not a night, or a week, or a even a month!!...yet. But a year!!

It's called manifestation baby! The Secret, The Law Of Attraction! It's also called my friend having a helluva lot of Marriott rewards!! Like 200,000 worth so 60,000 for 2 rooms was no probs.

So we go to our show and had a great time. Everyone had a great time. Some teaching and healing occurred as well as laughter. That's what I love about our show. You get it ALL! The owner wants us back again only he wants to get a bigger space that holds 75. He said we are a hot commodity! Very cool! I like that. Now if I could only get a few more people to buy into that! We couldn't wait to leave tho and get back and take advantage of our hotel accommodations. So I kept a close eye on the time.

We get back to the hotel and the kids were at the glorious pool. My son 15 and Tammy's 16yr.old daughter and 11 yr.old son. We grab our suits and wine and go down to the pool to cool off in the 90 something temps. It's Palm Desert after all. Don't mind swimming at 10p.m. when it's dark & empty. My legs are like a neon light in the dark anyways. We swam, and by swam I mean walked around in the pool, sat in the hot tub, well, didn't do that one for long then back in the pool. We snuck down wine glasses in a shirt, which I told the kids to be careful and not to sit on it. I found plastic cups by the pool, got 2 then sat down.....right on the shirt with the wine glass! DOH! Thought I was gonna have glass on my ass but the shirt saved me! YAY!

Then it was time to go back to the room for room service. Worked up quite the appetite performing, swimming, and breaking glass. The food was great. I love getting room service, it makes me feel rich.

Breakfast the next morning was great. It's always great when it's free and pool side in the shade. After breakie the kids and Tammy went in the pool again. We got a late check out. I don't do pool in the daylight because 1. There's too many people there. 2. I don't do sun. I must be part vampire or sumthin. and 3. my suit was wet and a bit tight to begin with so there was no way I was getting it over my ass again! (Note to self, must stay on tread mill longer...ok and ditch the cookies, geez ur tough) So I just take in the rich atmosphere of the surroundings. The beautiful mountains, the warm to hot breeze, the water fall into the pool. Of course PB is in the room napping. Thought about "interrupting" his nap *wink wink* But by the time I thought of it, it was too late. How married am I??

As we were waitng for Tammy to pull up I saw someone come out who looks familiar, I'm on my phone with a another friend while I notice this guy. And sure enough it is who I think it is "Spence" from King Of Queens, Patton Oswalt. I couldn't take a pic because I was on the phone and didn't want to just hang up and be rude to use my camera phone. I know, unlike me. Then Patton gets into a crappy black Hyundai or Ford, I mean it looked like an older one, not even newer, that belonged to a friend I guess. I'm also guessing he ain't sharing the wealth then and buying his friends new cars. It can't be his car, I mean c'mon he has to have some coinage to afford a nice car. For chrissakes I drive a Lexus RX300 and I only make $2,700 a year if I'm lucky!! He drives away b 4 I can make a total ass outta myself by saying something stupid like "Hey I'm a comedian too!" Like he hasn't heard that one b 4. The Gods were smiling on me...and Patton.

As we drive away we take a deep breath one more time to remember our excellent night in luxury. Then we go to the casino that's on the way home. I lost $20 but Tammy won $20. Yea, I shoulda been chanting and rubbing the slot machine like she was. Lesson learned.

SO yea, I decided that that's how I want to travel from now on, struggling comic or not!! I want to travel and stay in luxury because....THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL!!

CRYSTAL BLUE PERSUASION

Saturday, May 05, 2007


CRYSTAL BLUE PERSUASION!
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Life

I know, I know, I promised to continue my last post. BUT this takes priority. And I will finish my last post.

Today I met the most amazing little boy that just knocked my socks off! Today, my great nephew made his debut to this planet. I got the call at 7a.m. that my niece was in active labor & had been at the hospital since 1 a.m. After 3 hours of sleep, I actually did start to adjust to Ca. time as much as I tried not to & was up till 4a.m. I got up and in the shower getting ready to go with my parents to the hospital. My mother was going to be there to greet her first great grand child at 64 yrs. old. We're a family of Ho's, we start young. But not as young as some of the other new mothers there! 17 & 18yrs. old. I had the oldest daughter and no grand child! WTF??

We get to the hospital and my niece was at 4 centimeters & had the epidermal. We were told it'd be awhile. An hour and a half later she's at 8 centimeters!! Won't be so long now I guess. I told my sister it was about to get real ugly! At 8 centimeters the epidermal gets shut off and the real pain begins.

My neice was really suffering. Not having any real sleep in a few weeks she is exhausted, has back pain and a major headache. THEN starts to vomit TMI?? That's life baby. My sister can't handle it and comes out for me to help her hold it together. She can't stand seeing her daughter in so much pain. I reminded her this was the ugly part I told her about. Jess was 9 1/2 cent. now, so I told her it was almost over, take a deep breath, and she will be fine & a grandma real soon. My mother never left Jessie's side. She talked to her quietly, rubbed her temples & kept her focused. She did that for me with my daughter's birth. Sam, the father, bless his heart, is just glad to have 3 women in there handling all this. He's just hoping he won't faint! He's 21 and Jess just turned 22.

My sister sucks it up and goes back in. We don't see anyone for a wee while so I know now it's in the last stage. Before we know it my mother comes out and just the look on her face says it all! I jump up and say "He's Here! Isn't he?" She nods, she cries, I cry as we hug each other.

She goes on to explain how amazing it was to watch Clayton make his way into the world. As soon as his head was out he was looking around. His arm came out before his shoulders somehow. All I could picture was Jim Carey in one of the Ace Ventura movies where he's trying to get out of the fake rhino's ass and his arm is flying all around...end scene. The rest of the baby follows. My mother couldn't get over how alert he was and looking around. She said he was so handsome ect. She then says he was smiling. I'm thinking "Crazy old Lady! You sneak any of them drugs yourself?"

After an hour, Jessie is ready to go to her room and we get to escort her. I'm so excited. I was there when she was born and now I'm here when she has her son. I took one look at him and he just blew me away. He actually did look me right in the eye and smiled!! Not once but twice!! And I had NO access to any drugs! I watched him check out the new people coming to see him. His granfather and great grandfather! It was incredible! I couldn't help but cry. The energy from this baby was overwhelming. Talk about your crystal baby?!!

He is one of the crystal or rainbow children coming in now. AND my sister and niece have no idea!! I just kept saying how special he was. And I mean SPECIAL! Not special in a short bus kinda way but a truly amazing soul way. This boy is going to come up with some wild shit according to my sister's standards, which is real normal in my circle. It's nothing for kids of my friends to say "Remember when I use to be your mom?" I remember I was a _______in a past life" I can't wait!!

I told my mother what kind of special I was talking about. She said don't tell ur sister or Jessie. They will freak out! SO it's our little secret. I have to read up on these kids again, it's been awhile. I can always tell who they are in public. They are the ones where I look them in the eye and if I get their attention I talk to them telepathically and say "I know who you are." And that always gets a smile. Then I say telepathically, "I know you can see what is around me. I know you see the Angels." That gets even a bigger grin. The parents look at me like WTF? Why does it look like my kid is talking to you?? Because they are!!

It happened in a restaurant one time after staffing Doreen Virtue's ATP class in Laguna. The staff went out to eat and one staff member noticed a baby less than a yr. looking at us and really looking all around us at our table. She was in a high chair. So I did my usual, "We know you can see the Angels around us. We know who you are and are here to help you." She got so excited. She wouldn't even face her family anymore. The grandmother was getting a bit freaked. As I continued to talk to her telepathically she reached her hand out to me and I to her. It was soooo cool. As they left the restaurant she continued to stare at us. And now I have one of them I can play with in the family!! My sister and niece may not always get him but Auntie Witchy Woman and Uncle Psychic Boy do!

My cuz in Belfast has a niece that is 4 yrs. old that talks about how my Uncle, her Grandfather tucks her in at night and how funny he is. She was telling me all about him. He died in 1993. My cuz is the only one who knows who she really is too. She teaches her that seeing Angels, Fairies, & relatives who aren't "here" is ok and normal.

I am exhausted but so excited. It's been an emotional, wonderful day.

THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL!

THAT'S JUST HOW WE ROLL!!
Current mood: ecstatic
Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

Oh hell yea!! We're back!! We did a show this past Friday in Palm Desert AND we stayed at the Renaisance (don't pick on my spelling now! I'm on a roll!) Esmeralda Resort and Spa! Now that's what I'm talking about! I think I finally got the Motel 5 1/2 ick off me from last summer in Ohio.

It brouhgt tears to my eyes as I realized I was home again in a 5 star hotel! Now this is what I was use to! A lobby, door men, (oh yea, loves my door men) bell men, (love them too!), stores, restaurants, a kick ass pool, room service, AND a beautiful "Desert Dreaming" sign to put on our door. No handwritten note here!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Now this is how I want to travel from now on! First class all the way!

We were asked what we wanted in our room for snakcs so we took the 2 bottles of wine for after the show & nuts and ice cream for the kids. ALL complimentary! We also got 2 free breakfasts for each room the next morning!! OMG!! Could it get any better??? Why yes it could but more on it later as Psychic Boy is jones-ing for the computer. We're still not home yet.

So, to be continued.......

GREEN LIPS AND HAM

Saturday, March 24, 2007


GREEN LIPS AND HAM
Current mood: flirty

Oh yea peeps, you read right! Only it was green lips and cornbeef. But that doesn't sound as good. It was St. Paddy's Day, what did u expect??!!

I dress in what can only be described as a leprechaun on crack! A Leprechaunie if you will. LOL I mean I go all out from the Irish flag painted on my eye lids, shamrocks on my cheeks, a green velvet Goddess top, a green sequenced hat that my HUGE shamrock sunglasses sit on, lime green pants from GoodWill rolled up to show my green striped socks that are adorned with my lovely green rubber turned up elf shoes & to round off my amazingly tacky outfit I have bright green lips!

Yup! If I was dressed like that in Ireland I would be sniper shot!

Here's the thing, unbenounced to me my green lips were a creepy guy magnet!! Who knew?? Yuppers!! I had all kinds of creepy guys hitting on me due to the green lips. I'm not sure what that means but I'm sure it's disturbing!

Altho I did have one hot young guy hit one so that was cool and I did give him a kiss. Ok I frenched him, did I mention my tongue was green too?? Ok I lied, I didn't french him and my tongue wasn't green. But he did hit on me and I gave him a kiss on the cheek!! GEEZ! What's the matter with me?? I must be getting old! In my 20's I woulda planted a big wet one on him. You may take that any way you like! :-)

I will be posting the pics soon...of me not the creepy guys.

So FYI for next St. Paddy's Day, if you decide to wear your lips green, BEWARE!!

I GOT THE 666! UH OH! AM I GOING TO HELL NOW??

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I GOT THE 666! UH-OH! AM I GOING TO HELL NOW??
Current mood: giddy

I just saw that my video has had 666 views!! KEWL! Or maybe not so cool. To quote Paris, all my friends need rehab after hanging w/ me, Hilton, "THAT'S HOT" (just shoot me now for even going there) is more like it. Does this mean that I am indeed the anti Christ of comedy?? Say it ain't so!! Well, would I have any super powers?? I might be able to embrace it then. It would definitely explain the 2 pointy bumps I've been feeling lately on my head and the thing on my lower back looking a bit like a tail. Hmmmm this also means that I would be the ruler of hell right?? This is really starting to look up people! PaRtY at my place!! Just keep heading south you'll find it and BRING PLENTY OF ICE!!

I really shoudn't write ANYTHING when it's this late & I'm tired. I'm guessing this will be deleted when I read it tomorrow before anyone else can read it.

MAN! WHAT A FREAKIN YEAR I'M HAVING!

Sunday, March 04, 2007


MAN! WHAT A FREAKIN YEAR I'M HAVING!!
Current mood: giddy

I just couldn't use the Card Me Baby One More Time again. BUT!!!!! I ALMOST got carded again!! Why didn't I??? Because the woman remembered me from over a week ago. Last week, not the day before or from that morning...I don't have a problem or anything. :-) She remembered me from my stunning beauty, yea, that's it! I mean c'mon how many 45 yr.olds does she card??!!

I was only in there because PB had his "bro-mance" (a name for guys who are straight but are like girlfriends) Uh-oh PB is gonna kill me when he reads this one. Jeremy was down from Tampa. He is one of the people whose life was dramatically changed from our store that I mentioned in the last blog. Now where was I...oh yea...we went out to eat while PB took a nap. He prefers napping to eating.

I mention to Jeremy about the amazing delicious tiramazu martinis. He said he liked tiramazu so that sounded interesting. So I looked in my purse for my bartender, Mac's, schedule. Ah hell no! I didn't just say I had my bartender's schedule in my purse! But yay!! He was on!! So away to Manhattan Grill we went.*super hero dash* We get there and Mac sees me and says "I already know what you want" I said, "Make it 2" My son says, "Come in here much??" Hmmm I know it looks like I'm one step away from an AA meeting but I'm not I swear. It's been over a month since I've been in to see Mac.

We only had one as they are freakin expensive! They went up .50 to $8!! There ain't no drink I'm gonna pay $8 for....again! Well, I got Jeremy hooked now so off to Walgreens we go to get the ingredients to make our own. I've been buying a little at a time planning for the big day when I got ALL the ingredients. The shaker first, then the martini glasses, the instant expresso. Now it was time for the big guns! The Frangelica and vanilla vodka oh yea and the half and half too.

So I go to Walgreens and get my goodies, almost got carded, and went home and made some kick ass tiramazu martinis that I shared w/PB's "bro-mance" & watched the Secret! What another great day!! Life is good!

SIT ON YOUR STOLL NOT IN YOUR STOOL!

SIT ON YOUR STOOL NOT IN YOUR STOOL!!
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

Yes, that is just a nice way of saying quit sitting in your SHIT!! Why am I writing about this?? Well I'll tell you....

Having been around Light Workers for years now, one thing I have found is that many are good at sitting in their shit! In my humble opinion the term Light Worker is obsolete. Either you are a Light Warrior by now or just a Light Whiner! I am on several boards where all I see is Baaawaa baawaa this is happening to me, baawaa baawaa that is happening to me. ENOUGH ALREADY!!

I was having a conversation the other day with several people when we were discussing about sitting in one's own stool, feces, poopy, ect. What I said was when we sit in our shit we don't know who we are denying amazing experiences. What do I mean by that? Well, I'll you....

I worked for Doreen Virtue, a well known metaphysical author. I staffed her week long Angel classes (I'm not typing what it's called due to legal BS about how to write it) We were in Dublin Ireland for a class and afterwards Doreen and her husband Steven Farmer, also a wonderful author, were performing a handfasting ceremony for me and PB to renew our vows.

There were students from the class there at our friend's amazing 1 acre place in Wicklow. After the ceremony we stood in a circle & spoke a few words to everyone who attended. I thanked Doreen for stepping up and getting out of her shit and being the person she was meant to be. (Yea, I probably did say exactly that or something close to it) Because if she had stayed in her shit sitting at home with a weight problem, over indulging in a lot of different things feeling sorry for herself, NONE of us would be standing there right at that moment in the beautiful, magickal, Ireland!

NONE of us would have met! And how sad would that have been. I have met some amazing people staffing for Doreen. I have met & worked with the Princess Of Bali due to staffing. I got to meet and thank James Van Praagh in person due to staffing. A 10 yr. dream I had to meet him came true. I was author, Dolores Canon's driver because of staffing. What an honor to be able to spend time with this woman. I have met a lot of my soul family because of Doreen. This is just my experiences because Doreen stepped up to the plate. How many of you out there have read her books and it made a HUGE difference in your life?? "Read Light Worker's Way." She is very honest about where she was when she decided to start on to her REAL path.

Can you even imagine how sad it would've been if Doreen had been like many others, afraid to move forward and step into their power?? Don't let fear hold you back! Doreen started where many of us have been or are at.

That is why I say, if you're sitting in your shit you don't know who you are denying some incredible experiences or be the reason people meet. I could talk about how our store, even tho not open for long, changed some peoples' lives in a profound way. For that reason alone we have no regrets having opened it. Maybe that's the only reason we were suppose to open it.

So are you sitting on your stool or in your stool??

IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE.....

IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE....
Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

YOU must ALLOW yourself to RECEIVE!

I have a weekly Secret conference call every Monday. I started it back in Sept when I heard about The Secret...well, heard about it more. I wanted to start a support group that could help one another HABITUATE the behavior of success. So there is 4 of us that get together every week and talk about our successes and struggles so we can cheer one another on and help remove any blocks we are unable to see for ourselves. We are seeing some great changes in our lives!!

We kick one another's asses if need be. We pick a word for the month for our focus. And this month it was receive. Women in general have a hard time receiving anyway. I know this from working in salons. And to hit the point home I said "In order to achieve we must allow ourselves to receive."

I didn't realize how profound that was gonna sound. In The Secret, one of the steps in reaching our goals is to receive. How many of us sabatoge ourselves just because we don't allow ourselves to receive?? When we allow ourselves to receive we give someone else a gift.

I try like hell to get my "Angel" friends to understand that one. They are ALWAYS giving yet have a hard time receiving. So I ask them "How does it make you feel to give?" They say "I love the way it makes me feel!" SO then I say "So why would you deny someone else that feeling??" SO remember by receiving, not only does that open yourself to achieving but you allow someone else to receive a gift!

MORK CALLING ORSON...COME IN ORSON!

Yea, that's pretty much my life with a medium and psychic friends. I am their lead boots and they are my helium balloons! Somebody's got to stay in body, so I guess I'm the one that signed up for that one. Sooooo I feel like Mork calling Orson a lot of the times.

Case in point. We had a friend recently visiting for 5 days. While we were out, I was driving of course, she announces, (yes, I'm omitting names on purpose) "I'm being called out, I'll be out of my body for a bit." Well, at least she gives warning. PB just goes.

I'm thinking, "who's calling her out and why now??" People think I make this shit up! Nope, nada, hand to God, this IS my life. So away she went, not sure why, but apparently it's quite common that she gets "called out." I was expecting her to share some kick ass profound information. I mean c'mon! You're here to see us and you just go and leave your body like that?? I want some cooll info beeyatch! Didn't they use to institutionalize & medicate people for saying that kind of stuff? Ahhhh I miss the good ole days. What if I did that while driving??!! Oh yea, that's why they make me drive, I don't do that. But one of these days I'm gonna! Like it matters, they'll be outta body anyway too. I guess we could all watch ourselves go off the Skyway Bridge then. Yea, I'm staying in body & will continue to drive my helium balloons around town.

So you can only imagine what kind of fun I have when we're ALL together. I'm like the person in the park selling the helium balloons and trying to stay grounded. LOL Good times, Good times!

CARD ME BABY YET ONE MORE TIME! Woot Woot!!

Yup, sang yet again to Brittany, money doesn't buy you panties, Spears'song "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Someone needs to do it!! Where's her mother??? Someone needs to smack some sense into that girl!

I know! What is this? Like the third time I've had to use this phrase? I am having a grrrreat year! Tonight is the 3rd time I've been carded since my b-day!! I know! Hard to believe! I'm freakin 45!! AND I'm still, on occasion, getting carded!! Woot Woot!

I went to Wagreens to indulge in a bit of the white grape, chardonnay to be exact. I've been focusing on The Secret a lot today and genuinely feeling it. Feeling the gratitude of all that I have. I went for a over 3 mile walk on our quartz crystal sand beach today and sat on the sand trying to clear my live chi stagnation. It was amazing...the beach not the liver chi. A separate blog to follow about it. I've just been in that attitude of gratitude ALL day today. AND apparently it makes you look younger!!! Yea baby!! That's what I'm talking about!!

I was browsing looking for the ingredients for the tiramsu martini, geez it's expensive! But sooooo delicious! My daughter is a bad influence on me! She turned me onto to them and now I MUST have them every so often. I decide to just get my wine and pay. The cashier looks at me, I have my sunglasses on, my Laguna Beach hoodie & Tinker Bell yoga pants when she asked to see ID. Almost broke into my happy dance, not a pretty site, glad I refrained.

She looked at my ID, then me, then the ID so I took off my sunglasses. She said "WOW you have great skin and DON'T look your age!!" She is now my best friend! We're hangin tomorrow. I said that good skin and mental illness ran in my family, I got the good skin.....some may disagree, but I don't care because they don't get carded!! HA! They're just jealous! Sorry Mom. :-)

Now I'm off to do my happy dance in private, which is the only time I should do it, really. :-)

DO YOU HAVE I.D.D.??

Everybody is always talking about ADD but how about IDD?? Psychic Boy coined that lil ditty awhile ago. It stands for INTENTION Deficit Discorder. Now that the movie The Secret is out maybe people will pay attention to what their intent REALLY is! It's ALL about the intent baby!!

If you don't like where your life is right now then you have suffered from IDD!! If you feel your life is spiraling down the ole crapper fast and furious, you suffered from IDD!! Health not the best?? You suffered from I.D.D. Don't have the relationship you want? YUP! I.D.D. again!! The great news is.... the cure is immediate! Just change your intent! Now there is a bit of work with it because you have to HABITUATE the intent you really desire as not to fall back into old intent. Another GREAT word I love is APPLY!!

I have friends that have taken ALL kinds of classes on manifesting and then would share what they had learned with me. After a year or so of this, they call me to ask me how I manifested a 6 figure income and my brand new Lexus RX 300 (it was 2001) They were still struggling financially and STILL focusing on healing BS from ALL their past lives or something. I don't know, I just know it got REAL old after awhile. Move on already! Talk about over killl??!!

I said to them, they were on a 3 way call, "Remember all those classes you were constantly taking on manifesting and Angels?? And then shared the info with me?? Well, I just APPLIED the knowledge!!" DUH!! Not only had I manifested those things, but I also worked for Doreen Virtue and they were the ones who introduced me to her work!! None of them ever had the money to take her week long class I ended up staffing for.

So what's the lesson here kiddies?? Be AWARE of your INTENT, it's your magick wand! HABITUATE the behavior of success. AND APPLY the knowledge you learn!! That my friends is The Secret!

HAPPY MANIFESTING!!

You can listen to us talking about The Secret/Law of Attraction on Paranormal Talk

Just go to the archived segaments. We were on Feb. 13th

LIVER CHEESE!

Saturday, February 17, 2007


LIVER CHEESE!
Current mood: amused
Category: Life

I had an acupuncture appt. on Wed. My friend goes to East West College and gave me a free pass to have some acupuncture done. I thought cool! Could always use some balancing ya know?

So I go and start to fill out the long detailed questionaire on things I don't keep track of like how many times a day I pee, what color is it yada yada yada. So you know they ask about the "dropping deuce" too, not going there, u can thank me later. It does ask however, things like, stress related to job. I put "dying on stage." It gives you a list of things to check if you have a problem with them so next to hearing I put "What?" I was bored and my elf guide Bryon was in rare form. I guess since I haven't started my 2nd book that he's suppose to help me with, he'll help out with questionnaires instead. Good elf. And he's apparently tall and handsome like Aragon with brown hair...hubba hubba. Note to self I need to meditate more so I can see this handsome elf!!

I get called in and since it's a student clinic it looks like a scene from Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy. I'm being seen by a crew! The supervising Dr. decided to come in because he read what I did for a living. Oh the pressure! Oh yea, I didn't know that at the time...nevermind. Was trying to have a drama queen moment.

So we go in a room and the same questions are asked again. What's your pee like? What's your poo like? Blah Blah blah. And Bryon and I wasted our time why??? To see if I was lying? Then I had to stick my tongue out at them. Cool! I wanted to do that anyway! Yea, well, you don't want to do that to someone who is in school for Chinese Medicine! Your tongue is like a freakin tarot deck! They get waaaay to much info on you by doin that!! Note to self, don't stick my tongue out at my friend Denise anymore!!

It was funny because we were introducing ourselves and I said my name was Connie Jordan. Then Denise says, this is Witchy Woman. The everybody says "OH! your're Witchy Woman?? Cool" So they knew who Witchy Woman was. Had a famous moment there. Yet I wasn't recognizable by my picture on the flier that had been hanging in their cafeteria?? Don't even want to think about that.

So we get on with the pin cushion session. I tell them that I've had tennis elbow for over a year since we painted our house, so I guess I have house elbow, let's work on that & I've had some knee pain. So they start the sticking the pins in process. Some I feel more than others. Then they stick seeds, pellets, whatever the hell they are on my ear that I have to squeeze when I thiunk of it over the next few days. OUCH! It's suppose to help with my elbow. (?) Then they go out and talk behind my back. They call it consulting with the Dr. whatever!

I'm lying there trying to relax going to my happy place. Not one of my strong suits yet. Shoulda been working on seeing hubba hubba Bryon!

TO be continued later......

Had to take PB to the Irish Festival to perform.

Now on with my story. Finally I am realeased from all my pins & electrodes, I apparently had some of that too, and I'm free to go. SO I get up and I notice my vision isn't right. I mean it's pretty bad for me, someone who has eyes like a hawk! My vision is very blurred! When I mention it to the Dr. he just said "Really? huh!" WHAT?? My vision sucks and all he can say is that?? You mean this ISN'T common?? I figured he would say "Yea that can happen after a session." But nope! That is not what I heard! Apparently it isn't that common. WTF?? DO I need to get a seeing eye dog now?? I can paint my house now......BUT I CAN'T SEE IT!! I can play tennis but I need a dog that knows how to play! Yea, like I would play tennis.

Apparently what caused my blurry vision is that I have liver chi stagantion! Again WHAT?? Yup! The eyes are connected to the liver. Don't cha just love Chinese Medicine?? And liver issues has to do with anger issues. Ya think?? I'm pissed I can't see!! The irony of all this is that my sister drinks quite a lot and I HAVE the liver chi stagnation???!! Things that make ya go hmmmm...and WTF?

So now I have to meditate and go over the things that I may have held anger towards and release them. DAMMIT! Oh and go back Wed for another appt. to be a pin cushion. So when I told PB all about this, as I felt his face so I could see it, he said "you have liver cheese stagantion??" No you dope! Liver chi stagantion. Yea, go ahead, get me mad! Apparently I have enough to be mad at! I constantly have to remind him who the comdian is around here. :-)

SO there u have it, my live cheese story.

WE KILLED AT FOUR GEES

SATURDAY FEB.10, 2007

WE KILLED AT 4 GEES
Current mood: accomplished

Star date Jan 21st 2007 7:30p.m. WE KICKED ROYAL BOOTAY!! We ROCKED the house! It was awesome!! It was our first show of the year and it was sold out! AND we had to turn people away!!

While I have performed infront of several hundred people before, it was just 5 min open mics. This was our very own 2 hour show! So having 60 people is incredible. We were scrounging for chairs to accommodate as many people as we could. We were at capacity.

The first time I did a paying gig was in Feb 2005 in Huntington Bch Ca. and I had 25 people there, we were squeezing them in there as well.. It felt like 250!! I got a standing O that night. It blew me away. When you have people that are right there with you as you take them on your comedy ride...well, there's nothing like it! You get hooked!

So that night, Jan 21st was our first "big" show & everyone had a great time. People came up to us saying how much fun they had and how funny we were. (I got a standing O if you count people standing at intermission...and I do! :-) ) It was awesome! I wish I could do it more! We'll be booking another show there soon, probably March.

It's so weird how things work in comedy. It's a hit or miss here in God's waiting room, because people aren't into metaphysics much here. They say they are but they are not. Mostly wanna bees. But in So Cal I do well everytime no matter if it's a metaphysical store, a coffee house or a comedy club. I've done the Improv out there with a great reception. They just get me out there. I guess cause everyone sees dead people out there or something. Who cares! I fit in somewhere! Now alls I got to do is move!

On those amazing nights I just know that comedy is my love and I am her bitch!

GIGALO WEEZE AND CORN BREAD!

GIGALO WEEZE AND CORN BREAD!
Current mood: embarrassed

The category should say flogging as in a public one.

Now on to my night of public humiliation.......It's been 3 weeks so I can talk about it now...kinda

PB and I did a comedy gig in Palmetto FL. or as some like to call it, unbenounced to me, Palmghetto. I answered a bulletin, because the area code was my own, and what's this?? An actual opportunity to perform somewhere in my area?? The bulletin stated if you wanted stage time to "hit me up" So being the stage whore that I am and not to miss a chance to get on one, a stage, I contacted this poster....even tho I was hesitant due to my material. It's not for every kind of crowd. I really learned that one!!

Well, I respond to it explaining what I do and Gigalo Weeze, the poster & organizer, was really interested, I mean really excited!! I couldn't believe it! I was still leary because, ya know, a comedy gig called Big Bro may not be the place for metaphysical humor. But Gigalo reassured me that the crowd will love it, they like ALL kinds of humor. Yea, whatever Gigalo!

I wanted PB with me because I figured if I was going down he was going with me!! I ain't going down alone. (Yes, I see the obvious jokes here but focus dammit!!) I also figured the parodies would warm them up......joke was on us. You can see how this night went already. So much for building up the suspense of it all. *sigh*

We get there ON TIME! Which I found out black people are not known for. I know about Cubans, they have their own time. Rahn Man, the MC says to me "You haven't worked with a lot of black people have you??" My response "Umm No" The other comedians start arriving and they are great. I'm sure they're wondering why our white bread asses are there but they are very nice to us none the less.

People start arriving and the other comics are nervous looking out at them saying they look like a tough crowd. OK! This is the black comics saying this!! IF THEY ARE NERVOUS??!!!! Where the hell does that leave us???? The Christians to the lions??? I think I had, at that moment, another past life flash back! I was seeing the Coliseum in Rome!! Altho my belief is that they didn't feed the llons enough!! :-) I told Gigalo that, "This is feeling like the the whole Coliseum thiing in Rome Gigalo." At the very least the Titanic! He assured me "Naaaaa"

So we're hanging back stage with all the other comics, Cornbread is the only other name I really remember. No, wait, that's a lie, I remember LC, cause he was a hottie. I think they said he had been on BET. We were having a great time with them laughin and carrying on. Listening to Urban slang is quite interesting. I find it extremely creative. I won't go into the whole stoy as to how I found out this little ditty but I found out what "dropping mud" meant. Let's see, how can I eloquently put this....it means to have a bowel movement. That alone there was worth the whole night!! OH AND meeting LC. Did I mention he was a hottie?

The line up is made and the 3 white comics go on first. Me and PB count as one. We were 3rd. Hmmm I said "What's this? Fill them up on whitle bread so they won't be so aggitated??" See? The Coliseum!! I knew it!! The only other girl, Genuine Design, YAY I remembered another name! Said, "If I don't get any laughs I'll do the sex postions, that ALWAYS gets them going." She goes out and not much is happening then I peek out and I see her going into the sex postions and I thought " OK, We're F**KED!!" AND we're next!! I was thinking, "How the hell do I get out of here!!" I have never wanted to NOT be a stage whore more than at that moment when they called our names.

Oh yea, it was as bad, if not worse than I thought!! A couple of hundred Urban people looking at us like we just ran over their box of puppies!! I had no sex postions, no drug or arrest stories, or nothing to fall back on either!! We were sooooo screwed! Nothing worked, not the songs, not my skeptic joke that ALWAYS gets a great laugh! Not even my myspace joke that I do to remember to give my URL which I DID NOT do BTW!! Just got the same "You ran over my box of puppies you bitch!" look. PB conveniently "forgot" the damn words to the last song he did (not the last song he was gonna do) so I knew it was time to call time of death and get the hell out of there.

The other comics back stage asked how it went. I said we had to call time of death & got outta there. Bless Gigalo's heart, he asked if we were coming back!! I said "Really??? NOOOOOO!"

Thank Goddess we had a kick ass, sold out show the week before!! It totally ROCKED!! It helped ease the pain of our public humiliation. Ya know, I don't believe what they say about comedy, "Funny is Funny" Or something like that. It means if you're funny you'll get laughs. That's not the case. All I can tell you is that the sex positions would've died a death with my crowd. And probably most of the comedians would've died a death with my crowd the week before....except LC, cause he's a hottie, did I mention that? What's funny to some is not funny to others.

So what's the lesson here kiddies?? Urban and metaphysics just do NOT mix!! So we decided that if we ever get hit really hard on the head some day and decide to do another Urban comedy show, our names will be Cheezy Weazel and Porn Bread.

I do want to thank Gigalo and Chris for having us, they wanted to try something new so we gave it a shot. I want to thank all the other comics who were very supporitve and fun to hang with!! It was great meeting everybody!! I couldn't have tanked with a greater bunch of comics!! :-)

ODE TO AN OVARY!

Thursday, January 04, 2007


ODE TO AN OVARY!
Current mood: anxious

Scene, May 2006, My daughter saw fit in her infinite wisdom to ignore the advice of her nurse practitioner to get an ultrasound for an enlarged ovary.

Roll ahead to Dec. 20, 2006. She now is in excruciating pain and must be rushed to the hospital thinking she can score some serious, kick ass drugs and go home. Joke was on her because instead, she was rushed into emergency surgery. Altho, when we saw her in the ER she was pretty hopped up on some serious kick ass drugs, so mission partly accomplished. The IV kind too & the bitch wouldn't share! Did anyone consider the pain of the mother as she watched her baby girl lying there long enough that the pain meds were wearing off a little so she was in pain again?? Did anyone consider that at all?? NO!! They were just concerned about her. I mean honestly! Would it have hurt to have dulled my pain just a little?? Hope she's not reading this. Naaaa why would she read anything her mother wrote? I'm safe enough.

So instead of awaiting the birth of a grandchild (I KNOW! Hard to believe. I had her at 9...I swear) I am the proud grandmother of a 6oz tumor that has the possibility of being malignant AND a left ovary!! WTF!! All I got was a damn picture! (God that sounds like a bad t-shirt) Ok, and my daughter's life, which did mean the world to us to have her home for Christmas. Great! Now I sound like a corn ball Christmas song.

But being the good comedienne that I am, after a good melt down mind you, I did write a few jokes for my act about this whole ordeal. And to quote the famous "In Living Color" fake Tracy Chapman "Wrote a song about it, goes a little like this.." It's to the tune of John Denver's "Grandma's Feather Bed" Still have to work out a few things with it.

ODE TO AN OVARY

I wrote this for Elatia
To remind her of that day
When what she thought was routine gas
Was a mass on her O-va-ray
It was checked by every doctor
The technicians poked it too
They didn't know what the hell it was
So they sent it off to FSU

Chorus
I love my heart, I love my lungs
I love my Ovaries too
Now one has gone to heaven
And the other one's quite blue
So I went into the hospital
A surgeon for to see
With a snip, snip, snip, slash, slash, slash.
He cut it out for me

Mom thought it was the right one
All fathers issues there,
But when they took the left one out
She went into despair.
At first she didn't believe it
She said, "Go take another look."
If it had of been the right one
She'd be off the hook

Then mom said

We're not perfect parents
We never tried to be
We only hoped we'd mess you up
Only minimal-lee
I know I wasn't perfect
And that was just a rumor
I know I wasn't bad enough
For u to get a big ass tumor

It was round and small like a tiny little ball
Has a mass the size of my head
It caused me pain again, and again
Now I'm stuck in bed
If I had to do it over again
I'll tell you this my friend
I wouldn't wait as long as I did
And I'd now be on the bend

I'M SO RONERY OH SO RONERY....

Thursday, November 30, 2006


I'M SO RONERY! OH SO RONERY!!!
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life

That title is sung to the tune in Team America F**K YEA!! by the Korean leader.

Chrissy went home yesterday *tears welling* so now *snif snif* so now *big SNIIIFFFFF* I HAVE NO ONE TO PLAY WITH NOW!! Full on snotters and sobs now...fighting fetal position..can't hold on much longer............DAMMIT! I lost. In fetal postion, sucking thumb and sobbing now..have to type with toes.....

better go before I get a toe cramp.

CARD ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

CARD ME BABY EVEN ONE MORE TIME!
Current mood: giddy
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

Yup! Still sung to the Brittney (Leaving K-Fed still doesn't buy you any class) Spears. I am having a FANTASTIC year, age wise!! I have been carded 3 TIMES so far this year!! That's a record!

We went out last night with the girls. DeDe, one of my daughter's brides maids got engaged so we went to celebrate that too. We go to the Cock & Bull a tiny neighborhood watering hole. hole being the operative word. They where charging a cover, for what I dunno, there's no live entertainment there. But it's only $2. So we each go up and she wants to see ID!! So I said, "really??" She said "yes." I said, "So you're just carding everybody who's coming in?" I want to make sure this is no fluke. I want it to be a bonifed carding. And sure enough it was!! She said there were some whom she did not card!! YAY!!! This is so cool!! This totally feeds into my delusion of the 40's being the new 30's and even 20's!! I am soooo down with that!!

Man! I am having a great year!! Even if it isn't career wise!

Using THE SECRET Who's in??

I watch The Secret a lot and the story that sticks out in my mind the most is the Jack Canfield one. I love the $100,000 in a year story. So we got to thinking and decided to make our products available for download.

I did what Jack did, only I upped the anti. I set a goal for $500,000 or more for next year. We've already made over $100,000 in a yr. so I wanted to stretch it. So all we need is 100,000 downloads in a yr. which seems very doable. And like Jack, if we don't hit $500,000 but only $450,000 or $300,000 will I say this doesn't work?? Hell no!! I'm sure the oppotunites to get our products out there to the masses will come in. We've already had 6 downloads so ONLY 999,994 to go!!! Woo Hooo We're on a roll! What's your Secret??

Psychic Boy a.k.a. Martin is a licensed clinical hypnotherapist and meditation specialist. (Remember? He's a paranormal over achiever) He has 3 CDs with several meditations on each that you can now download for $5.95 per CD. These may not be in the right order...just how I remembered them. We will be adding more CDs soon. So if you've tried to meditate and have had a hard time.....START DOWN LOADING NOW! What r u waiting for!?

CD #1: (most popular)
"Intro to meditation"
"Meet Your Spirit Guides"
"Goal Achievement"

CD#2
"Light Warrior, Psychic Protection" This is a powerful one.
"Prosperity"

CD#3
"Intro to regression"
"Pre Life Regression"
"Past Life Regression"

My Book "So, These Two Dead Guys Walked Into A Bar" "My Life in The Paranormal. One Comic's Perspective" is a funny look into my life in the paranormal & living with a medium. Plus it's also a look into the healing powers of humor. You can read some reviews on my www.myspace.com/witchywoman7777 home page or at amazon.com. I have reviews from 6 different countries. It's availbale for $8.95 download.


Martin's book "Conversations With Merlin" it's a guide to life idiosyncrasies/mysteries as seen by Merlin. Yes, he was up many a night talking with Merlin. Yup, that's why I had to write a book! You can down load this for $5.95

Go check them out at
Triple Moon Press
Just click on product downloads

Here's what people have said about the meditation CDs....

"This meditation CD is Great! I have found it to be a wornderful first step into a new world of focus, peace and beauty. I have never meditated before now and find that every bit of advice is bringing out my own feelings and needs to go farther and learn more. Martin's voice is gentle and sure. The music calming and inspiring. I look forward to more CD's in the near future!"

Patti Meehan

"Martin, the meditations are so beautiful and wonderfully done. I haven't listened to all, but... The ones I have, allow me to know that these are the MOST healing and POWERUL meditations I have yet heard. Bless you, sweet man. Your voice is so perfect for meditation tapes.

Jill Bakke

Dear Martin:
Received your instructional CD on meditation yesterday and used it immediately. It was awesome! In my fumbling attempts at meditation in the past, I have had momentary feelings of a lightening of my body or, maybe you could call it sort of a tingling...but it's always gone the minute I notice it. I listened to the instructional section of your CD and then went on to the first guided meditation. That wonderful feeling started nearly immediately with the beautiful music and your voice...and it continued through the whole meditation. It was so cool! If this was just my first use of the CD, I can hardly wait to see what comes next!

Robin Smith

THE LOVE BOAT! EXCITING AND NEW...LOVE BOAT....

daa dee daa daa dee laa laa....don't know the rest of the words. I mean C'mon! How long ago was that show on??

This blog about my experience with the Carnival Cruise Comedy Challenge. It was a great time!! I got to meet some of my myspace comic ho's from the east coast. Holla!

I knew I wouldn't make it thru to the finals because my metaphysical act is not really cruise line material unless it's a ghost one. Hmmm maybe the Queen Mary in Long Beach Ca. then. Note to self, contact the Queen Mary director.

I have to say that I did feel a bit famous as several comedians said to me "You're Witchy Woman! You're on my friend's list" Hey! I don't care who recognizes me or why! The point is I got recognized! OK? I thought that was cool.

I was in the first group to go in and the 2nd one up. I just wanted to get my 3 min. set over with so I could eat. The other comics were great! We supported one another which I like to see. We got interviewed afterwards. Turner Network was there taping. So you know I got infront of that camera every chance I got being the big camera whore that I am.

Which reminds me of a story.... TLC was taping at the spa where I worked and I kept getting into shots "accidently" *wink* & they kept kicking me out of shots. I know! Hard to believe! But they did. I whined that everybody should be in a shot since we all had to accommodate the show. So they did a pan of all of us clapping at the reveal......yea, they cut it! The cutting room floor it went. I think they shot us just to shut me up. So who knows, I just may end up on the cutting room floor again. Baaaa Waaaaaaa!

I did make it into 2 differnet newspapers...ok you have to really look for me in one of them and know it's me. But my mother called, to tell me I was in her paper!! I was in a group shot. YAY!!

The judges were the owners of comedy clubs and a talent agency. The talent agency guy scared me. I knew if I asked him a question he would make me cry. I got the impression that he felt you weren't a real comic unless you've been kicked around on the road and did at least one show in Perduka or is it Perdooka, anyways it's in NY where the people are mean. I don't do mean. Being metaphysical myself I don't care for the club atmosphere with heavy drinking, smoking, heckling, ect. I'm use to a more higher vibration atmospshere. So I don't work as often as I would like...yet. Clubs are not the only place to do comedy!! OK, if I had the opp to work in a club would I?? YES! And when I get to Ca. I will. But here in God's waiting room, I have to find other venues.

I was glad I could NOT see the judges, only the friendly faces of my new comic friends. Although rumor has it that the judges did infact laugh at some of my jokes.

Now, the Ca. Funniest Female Contest I'm out to win!! At the very least the top 3. That's where my focus is now. Winning that. I go out in April.

So, I didn't make it thru to the finals and I congratulated the ones that did. I was happy for them. But I did walk away having a great time, more experience infront of intimadating judges, & great new comic friends. How great is that?? A. Very! Comedy is my love and I am her Bitch! lol

PUSSY GALORE AND.....

Funny Fanny! I know you UKers have a totally different meaning for fanny :-) But that name Funny Fanny does come from your part of the world too. I believe from a 007 spoof on a show once.

And the rest of you???? Get your mind out of the gutter!!

What's this really all about then? I hear you ask. Well, it's about a monthly girls night out that a local restarurant has. Every month they have a girl's night out with a theme. Remember my purdy feet and free wine story?? If not go back and read it!! This is the same event different month.

This month it was 007 Casino Royale. We were suppose to dress up like a Bond girl. Yea right! Then I guess I was going to be Halle Barry with a serious twinkie problem then!! Me and my cuz Chrissy discussed it and we decided to be a 1960's Bond girl. She was Pussy Galore and I was Funny Fanny for obvious reasons. Not because my fanny's funny but I am....so rumor has it.

The buffet was superb, the wine yummy, and the black jack dealer delicious!! According to Chrisitne anyways. Ok, he was a cutie patootie. I don't gamble other than the nickel slots in Vegas. But we weren't playing for money just chips to win a bottle of wine. I did not win this time. Although our table should've won something! We were the only ones dressed up! We take out themes very seriously. We are theme queens. We looked hot!!

Oh! Oh! oh! I almost forgot the best part! One of the women at my table who was a friend of my other friend there, couldn't beleive I was old enough to have a daughter who was married. She thought I was, now get this, drum roll PLLEEEEASE.......she thought I was 30-35!!!!! So I frenched her & we're now dating. Our husband's love it! And we get free Chinese food now since she owns a Chinese restaurant! She's my new best friend!!

It was a great night indeed. Although I had a hard time keeping Chrissy's attention. She couldn't stop drooling over our BL Jack dealer. But that's ok I had my new best friend beside me! :-)

MORK CALLING ORSON....COME IN ORSON!

Can you hear me now??

Well, that's how our very first internet showe started out..."Can u hear me now???" How corn ball is that! But we had to make sure we were doing things right and the peeps could hear before we went any further. Apparently we actually could've screwed it up and had no one hearing us and that would've been a bloody shame since our first show was freakin hilarious!!

Did u miss it?? I sent the bulletin DAMMIT! You gotta read your bulletins. I know, I know, there's a load of crap on there with survey after stupid survey (ok I've done a few of them myself) or people threatening to delete you because "myspace has gotten so fake." What are you.. 5!!?? I save those people the trouble and I delete them! But just skim thru and look for the flaming red hair! :-) I ALWAYS post interesting stuff...I swear!

Anyways.... our first show was a hit! We had 52 listeners which I think was grrrreat! I didn't think we'd have any but the few family members I harrassed into listening. Our cuz Chrissy from Belfast did a fantastic job channeling Maizie from the Falls Rd in Belfast who doesn't know she's dead. For those of you who may not know your Belfast geographics, it's the Catholic, heavy IRA, part of Belfast.

We would ask Maizie metaphysical questions. So you can see what kind of show this was. Maizie knows more about metaphysics than my arse does about snipe shooting let's say. Yup! A famous Belfast expression...I must be channeling Maizie now! LOL

We are having a special show on Monday for our last time with Maizie before she has to go home on Wed. :^( Soooo not happy about that. My playmate is going home and I'll be back to bothering PB now to play with me.

So you can catch the archives of our show at (keeping fingers and eyes crossed that it works!) dynamicduo show

You can catch our show EVERY WED at 9 p.m. at the link above. If it works. If not just copy and paste http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dynamicduo

Hope to hear you there!!

Blessed Be! )0(
WW

LAST OF THE MOHAWKINS

*TeeHee* Psychic Boy is going to kill me but this is too good to keep to myself.

The other day I was cutting and coloring PB's hair. Hair color...a beautiful thing! We use "Just For Men" now. It's easier and it works really great!! It really is made just for men because they make it so idiot proof, they really know how guys are. I read the directions and it made me laugh. Here's what it said about the timing

IMPORTANT: Start timing yourself AFTER application is completed

(this part I love!) DON'T GUESS: use TIMER, CLOCK or WATCH. (they left out microwave, egg timer, hour glass, or sundial) Wait ONLY 5 MINUTES or a bit less (to prevent haircolor from going to dark.)

I've been in the beauty biz awhile and I've NEVER seen directions like that. All it ever says is set timer.

Anyways I get the color on PB's head but I decided t have some fun. So I put his hair in a mohawk and have his hair sticking straight out on the sides. (you know they do that in the shower anyway) & let him go. He goes out side to smoke, says hi to the back neighbor, hi to someone walking their dog, he has no clue!! ROFLMAO!! LOL LOL LOL He's thinking his hair is all slicked back and looking all cool!! LOL LOL LOL LOL can't stop ROFLMAO You'd think him being psychic & all he'd see this one coming!! LOL LOL LOL

Then he goes into the bathroom for his daily pep talk to himself.. you know the one...fingers pointing at the mirror & saying "Who da man?? You da man!! You rock! It's going to be a grrrreat day!" blah blah blah Who is he?? Tony the Tiger?? But instead all I hear is & quite loudly, almost ear shattering, I might add is "CONNIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

He comes out and says "You did that on purpose!!" I say while runnning & LMAO "ummm duh!! Yea!! better hurry in the shower before you look like Eddie Munster!!"

Just thought I'd share......gotta stretch and get ready for another run for when he reads this!! LOL

Stay tuned for the next installment of how the Witch flies & makes her get away.

BB
WW )0(

FOX ON THE RUN! MOHAWKINS CONT.

FOX ON THE RUN! MOHAWK-ENS CONTINUED
The fox would be me, me being all sly n stuff. As I hit send to post my LAST OF THE MOHAWK-ENS bulletin I start to dart for the door of the office. As I did so I ask PB "Did u see my last bullentin??" He said "The whiney Lexus one?" I said "Oh no, there's another one after that." He sees the panic on my face & knows he needs to check this out real fast before I get too far of a head start running.

As I close the door to the untility room that goes to the office I remembered that door locks from the inside!! What luck! I realize this as I hear shrieks of "OH! OH! OH!!" in disbelief. The eagle has landed he has found the bulletin.

He calls his friend as he starts to look for my bulletin and he shares it with him. I guess he gets side tracked reading it with his friend on the phone or he's so devastated by my betrayal... either way I decided to continue making dinner till I hear the door rattle.

Finally I hear the dreaded door rattle and PB demanding I unlock the door. Yea, right, like I'm that stupid! Time for me to make my demands! Remember I'm the one sly like a fox and have him locked out!! He's still on the phone as he demands I unlock the door. I said "No! Promise you won't hurt me??" Like that would ever happen. But I always go the Drama Queen route.

In the mean time his friend Jeremy is LHAO as PB is beggin me to open the door and I'm begging for my life. Too much? Too bad! I was waiting for an ax to come thru the door and him saying "Here's Johnny!" in a creepy Jack Nicholson sort of way. I really do have a flare for the dramatic arts don't I??

He promised he wasn't mad, swore that he wasn't mad so I opened the door with my 4 yr. old wiener dog as my body guard as insurance. He would love PB to death if he attacks.

Alls I know is I better be on my best behavior because I know he is going to get me back sooooo bad. And I do more tard stuff than he does!! I'm sure I'll be in a blog near you soon. So stay tuned to a blog near you....ie PB's blog.

BB
WW )0(

DAR-WINS AGAIN!

This is an excerpt from my book I thought I would share to give you a little insight into an average day with PB. Nothing is a run of the mill trip when you live with a medium! Unlike John Edward, who's wife says you couldn't tell he was a medium at home. Really?? Seriously? Her Psychic Boy doesn't talk to the bugs on the patio or the faires and leprechauns in the yard??? WOW!! Shocking! On to the book...

We were sitting at lunch, today and Psychic Boy does it again. I almost choked on the pizza I was eating. He is reading an article that he thought would be interesting, but after the second paragraph it took a turn for the worse. So he starts a rant on the idiocy of people. Ranting about how really glad he is that we home school, and not having to put Andrew, our son, through the nonsense that is the public school system.

He is getting more appalled as he is reading about how the different groups are arguing about Darwinism verses Intelligent Design and whether or not to teach one or the other in schools. He is rambling on about how this is wrong, they have, again, figured Darwin all wrong. How does he know this? I ask him and he says Im talking to Darwin now and were very upset! Why cant we just say that evolution works, and it was a very intelligent being who created the design. You create something to work on its own with little interference from the Universe, with a good set of rules. Thats right, he says it so nonchalantly like its a normal thing to be talking to /thee/ Darwin about his own theory of creation over lunch.

So I ask, Why does Darwin say they are doing this? He answers, still ranting, Its all politics. Whoever wants to be elected, you find out how many people have a particular belief, and you climb on that platform, blah, blah, blah.

Well he finally calmed down, but whenever he has an issue, being a medium, he generally goes right to the source. So at lunch today it was me, Psychic Boy, and /thee /Darwin. I need to start ordering in.

There you have it, we were out to lunch, ummm.... let me rephrase that, we were having lunch out, like the regular folk, an ordinary experience right? Usually. But not for me, I never know who is going to join us where ever we go. This is now the average, the norm, the run of the mill day for me. I've learned to expect the unexpected going out with PB. NEVER a dull moment!

You can read more stories like these in my new book "So, These Two Dead Guys Walk Into A Bar..." "My Life In The Paranormal. One Comic's Perspective." C'mon! You know you want to. Go to Amazon and read what people from around the world are saying about it! Really! I know people all around the world!! I really do! But order it from me! :-)

BB
WW )0(

CARD ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Yes, the title is sung to the Brittany (money can't buy you class) Spears song "Hit Me Baby One More Time"..... so......m a n y .....j o k e s ....r u n n i n g...t h r u ...h e a d now ....ow..ow...FREAKING OUCH!! That's what happens when a comic gets a joke stuck......IT HURTS!

Anyhoo the real reason I am here is because.. drum roll pleeeeease...I GOT CARDED LAST WEEK! That's right! I ain't telling no lie! I got carded at the grocery store no less. I went to pick up some groceries and a bottle of wine, you know, it being Friday night and all. I had to use PB's check card so when I checked out and the clerk wanted to see ID I thought it was for the check card & was a little stunned ok scared as my ID DID NOT match the name on the card.

SO I questioned him, stalling for time "My ID?" Ok, not stalling for a lot of time. He said "Yes, I need to see ID." Sweating now, I was running thru my head the excuses I would use as to why I was using a card that didn't have my name on it when it dawned on me why he was really asking for my ID. So instead I just leaned over and frenched him. We're dating now. I kid, his mom wouldn't let me. :-)

So I've been carded twice in a month!! Not bad for a middle aged broad eh?? Just had to rub it....I mean share.

BB )0(
WW

FREE WINE AND PURDY FEET!

I know it sounds like a title ripped from the pages of "Trailer Park Trash Digest" but OH NO! Contrare monfriar! This is indeed a tale of the highest caliber. Ok, ok, I even have to laugh at that one it's so absurd. Now on to the tale....

I have always been told that I have quite the purdy poogies i.e. family name for toes/feet, & if I do say so myself, my lower digits are indeed quite nice.:-)

I was invited to a girl's night out at a local cooking store. They serve dinner & copious quantities of wine, a never ending flow of the grape served by a young delicious hunk. Hubba Hubba! The theme for this event was a pajama party.

So I wear my Victoira Secret...wait, don't go & get all "That 70's Show" fantasy sequence on me. It's the VS casual wear that I was wearing. I went looking for my tiger head slippers. I could only find one at first. I found that the other one had been brutally murdered by my 7.5 lb weiner dog who then dragged his kill deep under my bed & it just wasn't worth the hassle to go in after it. RIP lil tiger head slipper. Same thing happened to my unicorn slippers too. They must look like badgers to him or something.

Sooooo instead I had to wear my sandals. Un-benounced to me they were having contests for this PJ party. Like, best slippers, I was regretting not going in after my weiner dog's kill then. But I think I would've lost to the Grinch slippers anyway. They had the cutest pj's ANNNND PURDIEST FEET!! Yes! I have a shot. SCORE! The young bitch with cute feet wasn't competing so I ran up there to show off the ole poogies! My tootsies aren't funky looking or nothing and I had them french manicured, I do it myself, & I have a total of 4 toe rings. I have to say they was a looking might fine on this night!

I have never won anything before, (wait that's a lie. I did help my team in Maui win the bronze metal when I took the human dart game. I jumped and velcroed myself to the bulls eye! YAY ME!) especially any kind of beauty contest. So this was HUGE for me to be competing in this category. I know a bit drama queenie but that's me. I only knew 2 other woman there, the ones I came with. I didn't know anyone else & some came in a large group so I figured they would vote for their friend.

But guess what????? They didn't!! I WON!! YIPPPEEEEEEE!! I WON! I WON! I WON! What did I win?? A bottle of very good wine. It was Australian which I normally don't like but this was good. Soooo fer having purdy poogies I got a free bottle of wine!! Life is good!!

BEDNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS

Get a cup of tea or coffee or a martini cause this one is going to be a long one. You may wonder why I called this Bed Nobs and Broomsticks. (Yes I know the obvious jokes here with the whole bed and nob thang. Let it go) It was the only title I could think of for the handfasting of my daughter. For you muggles out there, at a Handfasting the couple jump the broom.

It's mind blowing! There are so many emotions when you see your baby girl get married. It really is overwhelming. I was on the verge of tears CONSTANTLY for days! So was Ed's (the groom) sister, Emily, and Ed too for that matter. I told Emily, "Why is this so emotional?? They've lived together now for a few months, what's the difference?" I guess now her brother will be a HUSBAND *echo echo* not just a brother anymore and Elatia will be....will be.... Oh No!!...tears are a starting....will be....crap! here comes the snotters now too!!!....will be a WIFE! *echo echo* Gotta take a moment to clean myself up now. Hold on..............

When I saw Elatia hug Ed good night the night before the wedding, it hit me that she will turn to him first now and he will be number 1 in her life....(fighting back tears and snotters again)......as it should be. But it's hard to let go. I know she will still need me but it's not the same so it takes time for the new chapter in our lives to settle in & get use to having my daughter becoming a wife and me a.....a......a.....choking now....and me becoming a.....MOTHER IN LAW!! *deep evil echo echo*

The night before the wedding we had a "girls night in" in the honeymoon suite. There was 8 of us. My daughter and her bride's maids & me and my sisters, The Karens from Ca. and my cuz from Belfast. We were the Crones and they were the maidens. I had us all toast each person and say why and how they have been a blessing in our life. Welll needless to say we got into the ugly crying!!

It was very special, beautiful & tender. We laughed, we cried, we did some table top dancing! Each of the younger ones knew which one of the older ones they were most like. It was a definite Ya Ya Sisterhood moment!

What an amazing time the handfasting was!! It was sacred, it was emotional, it was beautiful, it was exciting, it was exhausting, it was indescribable!! (although I just described it didn't I??)

I was an emotional wreck the Friday before the handfasting! I was at the grocery store BY MYSELF!! which I learned I could not be anywhere by myself that day!! I was proudly wearing my "Mother of the Bride" t-shirt & was in the grocery store when I kept seeing mothers with their LITTLE girls. I started to cry, not the ugly cry thank Goddess but I had to put the sunglasses on. Then I told myself to suck it up & called my sister, Karen M, and said I can't be left alone!! Why am I out alone Dammit!?? I wanted to go up to these mothers and say "See this shirt I'm wearing???? You'll be wearing it tomorrow it will feel like!!"

My daughter's bride's maids made her a scrap album from the important women in her life. Yes I was one. They gave me 2 pages I did 5! I put in pics of me pregnant with her, her baby pics and then the 80's pics of me and her with our aerobics and dance days. Her friends put in their favorite times with her. She absolutley loved it. It was a beautiful gift. She has some wonderful and beautiful friends.

On Sat. BEFORE the make up I gave her the letter I wrote on Oct. 9th 1981 around her Christening Day talking about her wedding day. Like how "On your Christening day Daddy held you on the alter and today he walking you to it. On your Christening Day we had to smear cake on your lips, today your husband will feed you your cake." ect. I was only 20 when I wrote that letter 25 yrs. ago. After she read the letter we held each other and did one more ugly cry as "The Karens" were ironing her wedding dress across from us.

Surprisingly enough me and Ed, the groom, held it together during the ceremony!! He said because I held it together he was able to. I said the same to him. It was such a beautiful and tender ceremony. Everybody was blown away by it. No one knew that we were doing a handfasting except the people involved.

The reception was a blast! I danced with everyone. PB danced the daughter/father dance to John Mayer's song I believe it's called "Daughters" What a beautiful moment. The dinner was superb! Filet mignon AND mahi mahi. I was making sure nothing was going to waste and took home whatever my son, PB, my parents, or anyone else for that matter, didn't eat. I mean c'mon! Over $80 a plate nothing's going to waste! I had to sign a waiver for it too.

Ed just adores my daughter. Bless his heart he was shaking so bad!! He could hardly hold the chalice and drink the water. The candle part was a bit un-nerving. They are so happy!! My daughter was absolutely radiant! She smiled the whole day for pics and never complained. She stayed in her dress the entire time & looked beautiful all thru the wee hours of the morning. Actually, I've never seen her look bad.

Several of us took turns getting their room ready for them to change after the reception. Rose petals from the door up the spiral staircase on the bed with her silk robe and then candles placed around.

We were by the pool and awhile later they came out on the balcony & shouted down to us so we all went up to continue the party. We were up till 4 a.m. So I am STILL recoverying and have a wedding hangover a week later!

THE HEAVENS WILL OPEN AND THE ANGELS WILL SING

Is what I told my daughter when we went wedding dress shopping. I told her she will know "THE ONE" dress because the Heaven's will open and you will hear the Angels singing. That's the only way you can get the right dress. It's in the bridal manual somewhere.

So me, Elatia (see previous post for pronunciation of name) and her maid of honor and soon (6 days) to be sis in law, Emily, all went dress shopping in Tampa. It was easy enough, got waited on quickly. Elatia starts coming out in these beautiful dresses and I'm like "Yea, that's nice." After a few dresses I think "What the hell is the matter with me??!!!" "Your first born is trying on WEDDING dresses and all you can say is Oh that's nice!! You cold hearted BITCH!!"

I mean, I wasn't feeling much of anything. I was really upset with myself on how I could be so emotionless! Really!! What's the matter with me??? All this is going on in my head as Elatia is trying on dresses. I probably looked crazy. Then it happens......

She comes out in another dress and out of the blue I start balling my eyes out! I guess the Heavens opening and the Angels singing is really the mother crying (it sounds better the other way). Which got Emily crying. Yup! It was a moment indeed, tears & Kleenex flying. Elatia then said "I guess this is the dress then huh??" I'm like "Ahhhhhh YEA!!" You can't go against the Mommy tears.

PB and I are doing the handfasting ceremony & we were going to both have speaking parts. LOL LOL LOL Really?? Me try and talk & do the ceremony too??? What were we thinking??!! Now that is funny! I'm trying to figure where I can hide the Kleenex on me. We realized that that was a HUGE mistake & I won't be talking just helping with alter stuff. Ya know like holding down the chicken for sacrificing.....that's for any of you muggles that believe the stereotypes of Witches. LOL

So my daughter found the perfect dress & she will have the perfect day & she will have the wonderful life she has created for herself & Ed. I am blessed!

OMG! IT'S THE FINAL COUNT DOWN!!

No! Not to world damnation as the Chrisitans would have you believe. Geez! I've been hearing that one since I was a kid! Enough already!

OMG! Six more sleeps and I'll be a mother in law *echo echo* I haven't had any classes yet on how to be a proper mother in-law. Ya know, like how to be all nosey, a buttinsky and opinionated like (ok, some might say I have the latter down pat but they lie! Lie I tell ya!)

My daughter is getting married Nov. 11 a great manifesting date, yes, I did pick it, BUTT my daughter agreed to it. I didn't force it, I just merely suggested the date.

When she got engaged 17 months ago, which seemed like an eternity, we went right to work on booking everything. I was so proud of myself. I wasn't butting in, I was all well behaved....until the cake incident that is. We went for a cake tasting and were looking at styles. Ed, the groom, was there being all guy like and agreeing to whatever we said. Good groom! I was so proud of myself because I wasn't pushing what I wanted on my daughter. I couldn't understand why these mother's couldn't control themselves and let their daughters' have the wedding they wanted. What's the matter with them?? I was about to find out!

I showed my daughter, Elatia, (long E, long A, and sha at the end) the tiny peals on a cake. She liked them. When the cake lady came out and we started showing her what we...I mean they liked she showed us another kind of pearl design & without even thinking I said "NO! WE don't want that! WE want these tiny pearls!" I gasp and sat back when I realized what I had done. I was turning into a MOMZILLA!!! It just sorta happened. You don't see it coming! You get so into the planning you forget who you're planning it for.

So I knew I would have to back off so I wouldn't get over bearing about it. I told my daughter I would help but would keep my distance. Well, sometime later she called and really needed help with the hotel and other stuff. I warned her...."You know you're inviting the vampire in now right?? I'm not responsible if I go over board." She knew the risk & took it anyway. :-)

Now here we are 6 days away from the magickal day! PB and I have picked the music for the ceremony, I have people calling me for the final arrangements for the day & we've had no arguements! She wasn't a Bridezilla and I wasn't a Momzilla.

Now I get reflect on the last 25 yrs of our lives. How fast they went by. How it seems like yesterday I was taking her to kindergarten. How she use to be shorter than me. How we use to be able to fit in a tub together. How she has gotten older but I have not. :-) I wrote her a letter when she was 13 weeks old around her Christening time for her wedding day & now it's time to give it to her. I just can't believe it. I will give it to her BEFORE the make up goes on. The date of the letter was Oct. 9, 1981.

Now that everything is set, all the emotions come up. You realize how fast your life goes by and how you need to cherish every second of it. Especially when you have kids. It goes by in a blink of an eye. I know it doesn't seem like it when you're up in the middle of the night so tired feeding them or having a poop diaper at the most inconvenient time, or vomit on your clean blouse, or the crying (mainly you) that won't stop & you begin to think they hate you or having to meet with their principal dressed like a leprechaun on crack about their bad behavior on the bus (or was that just me). I promise you it's all worth every milisecond! Before you know it instead of teaching them how to tie their shoes you will be helping them with their wedding shoes & dress, and china pattern, and helping them pick out their own child's nursery stuff.

Believe me, there were times I didn't think my daughter was going to make it out of her teen years. But we both survived & so will you. Just love them with all your heart and enjoy every moment.

Abundant Blessings,
WW