LAST OF THE MOHAWKINS

*TeeHee* Psychic Boy is going to kill me but this is too good to keep to myself.

The other day I was cutting and coloring PB's hair. Hair color...a beautiful thing! We use "Just For Men" now. It's easier and it works really great!! It really is made just for men because they make it so idiot proof, they really know how guys are. I read the directions and it made me laugh. Here's what it said about the timing

IMPORTANT: Start timing yourself AFTER application is completed

(this part I love!) DON'T GUESS: use TIMER, CLOCK or WATCH. (they left out microwave, egg timer, hour glass, or sundial) Wait ONLY 5 MINUTES or a bit less (to prevent haircolor from going to dark.)

I've been in the beauty biz awhile and I've NEVER seen directions like that. All it ever says is set timer.

Anyways I get the color on PB's head but I decided t have some fun. So I put his hair in a mohawk and have his hair sticking straight out on the sides. (you know they do that in the shower anyway) & let him go. He goes out side to smoke, says hi to the back neighbor, hi to someone walking their dog, he has no clue!! ROFLMAO!! LOL LOL LOL He's thinking his hair is all slicked back and looking all cool!! LOL LOL LOL LOL can't stop ROFLMAO You'd think him being psychic & all he'd see this one coming!! LOL LOL LOL

Then he goes into the bathroom for his daily pep talk to himself.. you know the one...fingers pointing at the mirror & saying "Who da man?? You da man!! You rock! It's going to be a grrrreat day!" blah blah blah Who is he?? Tony the Tiger?? But instead all I hear is & quite loudly, almost ear shattering, I might add is "CONNIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

He comes out and says "You did that on purpose!!" I say while runnning & LMAO "ummm duh!! Yea!! better hurry in the shower before you look like Eddie Munster!!"

Just thought I'd share......gotta stretch and get ready for another run for when he reads this!! LOL

Stay tuned for the next installment of how the Witch flies & makes her get away.

BB
WW )0(

FOX ON THE RUN! MOHAWKINS CONT.

FOX ON THE RUN! MOHAWK-ENS CONTINUED
The fox would be me, me being all sly n stuff. As I hit send to post my LAST OF THE MOHAWK-ENS bulletin I start to dart for the door of the office. As I did so I ask PB "Did u see my last bullentin??" He said "The whiney Lexus one?" I said "Oh no, there's another one after that." He sees the panic on my face & knows he needs to check this out real fast before I get too far of a head start running.

As I close the door to the untility room that goes to the office I remembered that door locks from the inside!! What luck! I realize this as I hear shrieks of "OH! OH! OH!!" in disbelief. The eagle has landed he has found the bulletin.

He calls his friend as he starts to look for my bulletin and he shares it with him. I guess he gets side tracked reading it with his friend on the phone or he's so devastated by my betrayal... either way I decided to continue making dinner till I hear the door rattle.

Finally I hear the dreaded door rattle and PB demanding I unlock the door. Yea, right, like I'm that stupid! Time for me to make my demands! Remember I'm the one sly like a fox and have him locked out!! He's still on the phone as he demands I unlock the door. I said "No! Promise you won't hurt me??" Like that would ever happen. But I always go the Drama Queen route.

In the mean time his friend Jeremy is LHAO as PB is beggin me to open the door and I'm begging for my life. Too much? Too bad! I was waiting for an ax to come thru the door and him saying "Here's Johnny!" in a creepy Jack Nicholson sort of way. I really do have a flare for the dramatic arts don't I??

He promised he wasn't mad, swore that he wasn't mad so I opened the door with my 4 yr. old wiener dog as my body guard as insurance. He would love PB to death if he attacks.

Alls I know is I better be on my best behavior because I know he is going to get me back sooooo bad. And I do more tard stuff than he does!! I'm sure I'll be in a blog near you soon. So stay tuned to a blog near you....ie PB's blog.

BB
WW )0(

DAR-WINS AGAIN!

This is an excerpt from my book I thought I would share to give you a little insight into an average day with PB. Nothing is a run of the mill trip when you live with a medium! Unlike John Edward, who's wife says you couldn't tell he was a medium at home. Really?? Seriously? Her Psychic Boy doesn't talk to the bugs on the patio or the faires and leprechauns in the yard??? WOW!! Shocking! On to the book...

We were sitting at lunch, today and Psychic Boy does it again. I almost choked on the pizza I was eating. He is reading an article that he thought would be interesting, but after the second paragraph it took a turn for the worse. So he starts a rant on the idiocy of people. Ranting about how really glad he is that we home school, and not having to put Andrew, our son, through the nonsense that is the public school system.

He is getting more appalled as he is reading about how the different groups are arguing about Darwinism verses Intelligent Design and whether or not to teach one or the other in schools. He is rambling on about how this is wrong, they have, again, figured Darwin all wrong. How does he know this? I ask him and he says Im talking to Darwin now and were very upset! Why cant we just say that evolution works, and it was a very intelligent being who created the design. You create something to work on its own with little interference from the Universe, with a good set of rules. Thats right, he says it so nonchalantly like its a normal thing to be talking to /thee/ Darwin about his own theory of creation over lunch.

So I ask, Why does Darwin say they are doing this? He answers, still ranting, Its all politics. Whoever wants to be elected, you find out how many people have a particular belief, and you climb on that platform, blah, blah, blah.

Well he finally calmed down, but whenever he has an issue, being a medium, he generally goes right to the source. So at lunch today it was me, Psychic Boy, and /thee /Darwin. I need to start ordering in.

There you have it, we were out to lunch, ummm.... let me rephrase that, we were having lunch out, like the regular folk, an ordinary experience right? Usually. But not for me, I never know who is going to join us where ever we go. This is now the average, the norm, the run of the mill day for me. I've learned to expect the unexpected going out with PB. NEVER a dull moment!

You can read more stories like these in my new book "So, These Two Dead Guys Walk Into A Bar..." "My Life In The Paranormal. One Comic's Perspective." C'mon! You know you want to. Go to Amazon and read what people from around the world are saying about it! Really! I know people all around the world!! I really do! But order it from me! :-)

BB
WW )0(

CARD ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Yes, the title is sung to the Brittany (money can't buy you class) Spears song "Hit Me Baby One More Time"..... so......m a n y .....j o k e s ....r u n n i n g...t h r u ...h e a d now ....ow..ow...FREAKING OUCH!! That's what happens when a comic gets a joke stuck......IT HURTS!

Anyhoo the real reason I am here is because.. drum roll pleeeeease...I GOT CARDED LAST WEEK! That's right! I ain't telling no lie! I got carded at the grocery store no less. I went to pick up some groceries and a bottle of wine, you know, it being Friday night and all. I had to use PB's check card so when I checked out and the clerk wanted to see ID I thought it was for the check card & was a little stunned ok scared as my ID DID NOT match the name on the card.

SO I questioned him, stalling for time "My ID?" Ok, not stalling for a lot of time. He said "Yes, I need to see ID." Sweating now, I was running thru my head the excuses I would use as to why I was using a card that didn't have my name on it when it dawned on me why he was really asking for my ID. So instead I just leaned over and frenched him. We're dating now. I kid, his mom wouldn't let me. :-)

So I've been carded twice in a month!! Not bad for a middle aged broad eh?? Just had to rub it....I mean share.

BB )0(
WW

FREE WINE AND PURDY FEET!

I know it sounds like a title ripped from the pages of "Trailer Park Trash Digest" but OH NO! Contrare monfriar! This is indeed a tale of the highest caliber. Ok, ok, I even have to laugh at that one it's so absurd. Now on to the tale....

I have always been told that I have quite the purdy poogies i.e. family name for toes/feet, & if I do say so myself, my lower digits are indeed quite nice.:-)

I was invited to a girl's night out at a local cooking store. They serve dinner & copious quantities of wine, a never ending flow of the grape served by a young delicious hunk. Hubba Hubba! The theme for this event was a pajama party.

So I wear my Victoira Secret...wait, don't go & get all "That 70's Show" fantasy sequence on me. It's the VS casual wear that I was wearing. I went looking for my tiger head slippers. I could only find one at first. I found that the other one had been brutally murdered by my 7.5 lb weiner dog who then dragged his kill deep under my bed & it just wasn't worth the hassle to go in after it. RIP lil tiger head slipper. Same thing happened to my unicorn slippers too. They must look like badgers to him or something.

Sooooo instead I had to wear my sandals. Un-benounced to me they were having contests for this PJ party. Like, best slippers, I was regretting not going in after my weiner dog's kill then. But I think I would've lost to the Grinch slippers anyway. They had the cutest pj's ANNNND PURDIEST FEET!! Yes! I have a shot. SCORE! The young bitch with cute feet wasn't competing so I ran up there to show off the ole poogies! My tootsies aren't funky looking or nothing and I had them french manicured, I do it myself, & I have a total of 4 toe rings. I have to say they was a looking might fine on this night!

I have never won anything before, (wait that's a lie. I did help my team in Maui win the bronze metal when I took the human dart game. I jumped and velcroed myself to the bulls eye! YAY ME!) especially any kind of beauty contest. So this was HUGE for me to be competing in this category. I know a bit drama queenie but that's me. I only knew 2 other woman there, the ones I came with. I didn't know anyone else & some came in a large group so I figured they would vote for their friend.

But guess what????? They didn't!! I WON!! YIPPPEEEEEEE!! I WON! I WON! I WON! What did I win?? A bottle of very good wine. It was Australian which I normally don't like but this was good. Soooo fer having purdy poogies I got a free bottle of wine!! Life is good!!

BEDNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS

Get a cup of tea or coffee or a martini cause this one is going to be a long one. You may wonder why I called this Bed Nobs and Broomsticks. (Yes I know the obvious jokes here with the whole bed and nob thang. Let it go) It was the only title I could think of for the handfasting of my daughter. For you muggles out there, at a Handfasting the couple jump the broom.

It's mind blowing! There are so many emotions when you see your baby girl get married. It really is overwhelming. I was on the verge of tears CONSTANTLY for days! So was Ed's (the groom) sister, Emily, and Ed too for that matter. I told Emily, "Why is this so emotional?? They've lived together now for a few months, what's the difference?" I guess now her brother will be a HUSBAND *echo echo* not just a brother anymore and Elatia will be....will be.... Oh No!!...tears are a starting....will be....crap! here comes the snotters now too!!!....will be a WIFE! *echo echo* Gotta take a moment to clean myself up now. Hold on..............

When I saw Elatia hug Ed good night the night before the wedding, it hit me that she will turn to him first now and he will be number 1 in her life....(fighting back tears and snotters again)......as it should be. But it's hard to let go. I know she will still need me but it's not the same so it takes time for the new chapter in our lives to settle in & get use to having my daughter becoming a wife and me a.....a......a.....choking now....and me becoming a.....MOTHER IN LAW!! *deep evil echo echo*

The night before the wedding we had a "girls night in" in the honeymoon suite. There was 8 of us. My daughter and her bride's maids & me and my sisters, The Karens from Ca. and my cuz from Belfast. We were the Crones and they were the maidens. I had us all toast each person and say why and how they have been a blessing in our life. Welll needless to say we got into the ugly crying!!

It was very special, beautiful & tender. We laughed, we cried, we did some table top dancing! Each of the younger ones knew which one of the older ones they were most like. It was a definite Ya Ya Sisterhood moment!

What an amazing time the handfasting was!! It was sacred, it was emotional, it was beautiful, it was exciting, it was exhausting, it was indescribable!! (although I just described it didn't I??)

I was an emotional wreck the Friday before the handfasting! I was at the grocery store BY MYSELF!! which I learned I could not be anywhere by myself that day!! I was proudly wearing my "Mother of the Bride" t-shirt & was in the grocery store when I kept seeing mothers with their LITTLE girls. I started to cry, not the ugly cry thank Goddess but I had to put the sunglasses on. Then I told myself to suck it up & called my sister, Karen M, and said I can't be left alone!! Why am I out alone Dammit!?? I wanted to go up to these mothers and say "See this shirt I'm wearing???? You'll be wearing it tomorrow it will feel like!!"

My daughter's bride's maids made her a scrap album from the important women in her life. Yes I was one. They gave me 2 pages I did 5! I put in pics of me pregnant with her, her baby pics and then the 80's pics of me and her with our aerobics and dance days. Her friends put in their favorite times with her. She absolutley loved it. It was a beautiful gift. She has some wonderful and beautiful friends.

On Sat. BEFORE the make up I gave her the letter I wrote on Oct. 9th 1981 around her Christening Day talking about her wedding day. Like how "On your Christening day Daddy held you on the alter and today he walking you to it. On your Christening Day we had to smear cake on your lips, today your husband will feed you your cake." ect. I was only 20 when I wrote that letter 25 yrs. ago. After she read the letter we held each other and did one more ugly cry as "The Karens" were ironing her wedding dress across from us.

Surprisingly enough me and Ed, the groom, held it together during the ceremony!! He said because I held it together he was able to. I said the same to him. It was such a beautiful and tender ceremony. Everybody was blown away by it. No one knew that we were doing a handfasting except the people involved.

The reception was a blast! I danced with everyone. PB danced the daughter/father dance to John Mayer's song I believe it's called "Daughters" What a beautiful moment. The dinner was superb! Filet mignon AND mahi mahi. I was making sure nothing was going to waste and took home whatever my son, PB, my parents, or anyone else for that matter, didn't eat. I mean c'mon! Over $80 a plate nothing's going to waste! I had to sign a waiver for it too.

Ed just adores my daughter. Bless his heart he was shaking so bad!! He could hardly hold the chalice and drink the water. The candle part was a bit un-nerving. They are so happy!! My daughter was absolutely radiant! She smiled the whole day for pics and never complained. She stayed in her dress the entire time & looked beautiful all thru the wee hours of the morning. Actually, I've never seen her look bad.

Several of us took turns getting their room ready for them to change after the reception. Rose petals from the door up the spiral staircase on the bed with her silk robe and then candles placed around.

We were by the pool and awhile later they came out on the balcony & shouted down to us so we all went up to continue the party. We were up till 4 a.m. So I am STILL recoverying and have a wedding hangover a week later!

THE HEAVENS WILL OPEN AND THE ANGELS WILL SING

Is what I told my daughter when we went wedding dress shopping. I told her she will know "THE ONE" dress because the Heaven's will open and you will hear the Angels singing. That's the only way you can get the right dress. It's in the bridal manual somewhere.

So me, Elatia (see previous post for pronunciation of name) and her maid of honor and soon (6 days) to be sis in law, Emily, all went dress shopping in Tampa. It was easy enough, got waited on quickly. Elatia starts coming out in these beautiful dresses and I'm like "Yea, that's nice." After a few dresses I think "What the hell is the matter with me??!!!" "Your first born is trying on WEDDING dresses and all you can say is Oh that's nice!! You cold hearted BITCH!!"

I mean, I wasn't feeling much of anything. I was really upset with myself on how I could be so emotionless! Really!! What's the matter with me??? All this is going on in my head as Elatia is trying on dresses. I probably looked crazy. Then it happens......

She comes out in another dress and out of the blue I start balling my eyes out! I guess the Heavens opening and the Angels singing is really the mother crying (it sounds better the other way). Which got Emily crying. Yup! It was a moment indeed, tears & Kleenex flying. Elatia then said "I guess this is the dress then huh??" I'm like "Ahhhhhh YEA!!" You can't go against the Mommy tears.

PB and I are doing the handfasting ceremony & we were going to both have speaking parts. LOL LOL LOL Really?? Me try and talk & do the ceremony too??? What were we thinking??!! Now that is funny! I'm trying to figure where I can hide the Kleenex on me. We realized that that was a HUGE mistake & I won't be talking just helping with alter stuff. Ya know like holding down the chicken for sacrificing.....that's for any of you muggles that believe the stereotypes of Witches. LOL

So my daughter found the perfect dress & she will have the perfect day & she will have the wonderful life she has created for herself & Ed. I am blessed!

OMG! IT'S THE FINAL COUNT DOWN!!

No! Not to world damnation as the Chrisitans would have you believe. Geez! I've been hearing that one since I was a kid! Enough already!

OMG! Six more sleeps and I'll be a mother in law *echo echo* I haven't had any classes yet on how to be a proper mother in-law. Ya know, like how to be all nosey, a buttinsky and opinionated like (ok, some might say I have the latter down pat but they lie! Lie I tell ya!)

My daughter is getting married Nov. 11 a great manifesting date, yes, I did pick it, BUTT my daughter agreed to it. I didn't force it, I just merely suggested the date.

When she got engaged 17 months ago, which seemed like an eternity, we went right to work on booking everything. I was so proud of myself. I wasn't butting in, I was all well behaved....until the cake incident that is. We went for a cake tasting and were looking at styles. Ed, the groom, was there being all guy like and agreeing to whatever we said. Good groom! I was so proud of myself because I wasn't pushing what I wanted on my daughter. I couldn't understand why these mother's couldn't control themselves and let their daughters' have the wedding they wanted. What's the matter with them?? I was about to find out!

I showed my daughter, Elatia, (long E, long A, and sha at the end) the tiny peals on a cake. She liked them. When the cake lady came out and we started showing her what we...I mean they liked she showed us another kind of pearl design & without even thinking I said "NO! WE don't want that! WE want these tiny pearls!" I gasp and sat back when I realized what I had done. I was turning into a MOMZILLA!!! It just sorta happened. You don't see it coming! You get so into the planning you forget who you're planning it for.

So I knew I would have to back off so I wouldn't get over bearing about it. I told my daughter I would help but would keep my distance. Well, sometime later she called and really needed help with the hotel and other stuff. I warned her...."You know you're inviting the vampire in now right?? I'm not responsible if I go over board." She knew the risk & took it anyway. :-)

Now here we are 6 days away from the magickal day! PB and I have picked the music for the ceremony, I have people calling me for the final arrangements for the day & we've had no arguements! She wasn't a Bridezilla and I wasn't a Momzilla.

Now I get reflect on the last 25 yrs of our lives. How fast they went by. How it seems like yesterday I was taking her to kindergarten. How she use to be shorter than me. How we use to be able to fit in a tub together. How she has gotten older but I have not. :-) I wrote her a letter when she was 13 weeks old around her Christening time for her wedding day & now it's time to give it to her. I just can't believe it. I will give it to her BEFORE the make up goes on. The date of the letter was Oct. 9, 1981.

Now that everything is set, all the emotions come up. You realize how fast your life goes by and how you need to cherish every second of it. Especially when you have kids. It goes by in a blink of an eye. I know it doesn't seem like it when you're up in the middle of the night so tired feeding them or having a poop diaper at the most inconvenient time, or vomit on your clean blouse, or the crying (mainly you) that won't stop & you begin to think they hate you or having to meet with their principal dressed like a leprechaun on crack about their bad behavior on the bus (or was that just me). I promise you it's all worth every milisecond! Before you know it instead of teaching them how to tie their shoes you will be helping them with their wedding shoes & dress, and china pattern, and helping them pick out their own child's nursery stuff.

Believe me, there were times I didn't think my daughter was going to make it out of her teen years. But we both survived & so will you. Just love them with all your heart and enjoy every moment.

Abundant Blessings,
WW

CHRISTIANS, DEMONS, GOBLINS..OH MY!!

It's that time if year more than any others, my prettys, to have a rant.

So for any of you normal & not left wing or right wing or whatever wing they call it, Christians, this is not meant towards you. But if you believe Witch's worship the devil, if you are ALWAYS talking about satan and fearing he is lurking around every corner ready to steal your soul, (what better way to keep people in fear & control them!), (remember! what u focus on u create my pretties!) believe that Gays are going to hell, ect ect blah blah then this is definitely meant towards YOU!

I am so tired of Christians who have no problem stealing and celebrating the Pagan holidays, like Christmas, (Yule) Easter,(Esotre) Halloween (Samhain), and then blame satan on us!!

Satan is totally a Christian made up deity to keep people in fear and out of their own power! That's why Bush is such a great Christian, he works from fear! And I'm tired of Christians blaming us for him! Satan not Bush. They steal our cool holidays and give us satan in return?? Hardly seems fair.

Do you want to know what the Pagan/Witch holiday Samhain really means?? It is the festival of the final harvest of the year and honoring the dead. Ooooooo scary stuff huh?? It's funny to see churches now tout the "Halloween alternative"....Harvest Festival!! Hellloooooo!! That's what the Witches celebrate num nut!!

Here is an article I found on paganwiccan.about.com This will explain in detail what Halloween really is & isn't. I think you should be informed......

Don't let common stereotypes about this holiday fool you.

To most people, Halloween is a fun holiday to dress up and eat candy. Well, even Pagans like to eat candy on Halloween, but we consider it to be a very important holiday in a more spiritual sense as well.
The proper name for the occassion is Samhain (pronounced Sow-en or Sow-een). It's sometimes referred to as the Witches New Year, because our religious year starts/ends with Samhain. The holiday began being called "Halloween" because the Catholic church created All Saints Day (or All Hallows Day) on November 1st, in an attempt to turn people away from the original Pagan holiday. The night before became known as "All Hallows Eve", which then got shortened up to Halloween.

If you are concerned about the Pagan nature of October 31st, then you should probably stop celebrating Christmas and Easter, too. (Tell them sistah!)

Though those holidays have been thoroughly adopted by the Christian religion, they were both originally Pagan celebrations (Yule and Ostara). Halloween is the only holiday that has kept most of its Pagan meanings, without the Christian overtones.
Many fundamentalist Christian groups stand against the celebration of Halloween because they feel it is associated with demons and Satan. Unfortunately, most (if not all) of their 'facts' are incorrect. (DUH! YA THINK??)

The most common error, is that Halloween is celebrated to honour the Celtic God of the Dead, Samhain. The Celts had no such God. The word "Samhain" more likely came from "samhuinn", which is the Gaelic word for "summer's end". A fitting name, since that is precisely what this holiday is celebrating.
There is nothing Satanic about Halloween, either in modern times, or in the early history of the festival. Of course, there is nothing Satanic about any aspects of Wicca, witchcraft or Paganism, but that's another story altogether. We don't celebrate black masses, conduct sacrifices or cast hexes on Halloween (or any other day!)

So now you know what Halloween isn't, but what does Halloween mean? Well, to Pagans who celebrate Samhain, it is the third and last of the year's harvest festivals. The crops are in, and it's time to relax and prepare for the long winter ahead. Samhain is a time to reflect on the events of the past year, and to remember those who have passed away. It's at this time of the year that spirits travel from this world to the next. Both good and evil spirits.

Part of the mythology of the holiday is that the God dies at Samhain, and the Goddess mourns Him until His rebirth at Yule. (Hmmmm coincidence Christ was born then too?? I think not!) It is Her mourning that brings about the shorter, cold days of winter. After His birth at Yule, the days begin to get longer again.

Many of the symbols and traditions that we see around Halloween today can be traced to earlier times. Carving of jack-o-lanterns probably started with turnips rather than pumpkins, but the idea is the same either way.
With the spirits of the dead travelling on this day, people would carve faces into turnips (or gourds or whatever) in order to scare away any evil spirits. The dressing up in costumes was also done to scare off bad spirits.

The idea of playing tricks was not done maliciously, but just as a way of having a bit of fun before the long dark winter settled in. The original gathering of treats was done to provide offerings to the Gods, in thanks for the harvest.

One last word. Many fundamentalist Christian groups have a strong negative bias towards any religion that is different from their own. Please keep this in mind when reading their websites for more 'truth' about Halloween.

I think that says it all. So Christians remember, satan is YOUR deal, NOT ours so quit trying to push him off on us!!

End of rant.